Random Note: Not Who I Want To Be

What do you do when you realize that you’re the kind of girl you’ve always hated? You know, the girl who has the looks, the voice, all the guys, everyone wants to be her, and the girls who are a little bit younger all idolize her? I’m not trying to be conceited, I’m just making an observation. If I were a cheerleader, I would be the popular girl every body secretly hates. How could I subconsciously become someone I have always hated? I now understand how my friend Josh must feel, he’s one of those guys that has an absolutely gorgeous face and all the girls fall head over heals for him. You never know if they like you as a friend or something more, it’s really hard to find a good friend of the opposite sex that only wants to be friends. I realized this about myself when I was thinking about my current crush. I like him very much but he doesn’t care for me in the least, and as I was contemplating this, the thought went through my head that I could have nearly any guy, except for the one that I really want. As soon as that thought went through my head, I realized the way-more-popular-than-I-should-be, over-rated, cheerleader type that I must come off as, and I’m not so sure that I’m O.K. with that image. I think I would rather lick a cactus.