depressed...

The other day I was having a conversation with a guy friend of mine and it got me thinking. Lately I've been feeling really down because of the crap that is my life, and I guess I let my mask falter because he looked at me for a minute and his expression got all worried. He asked me if I was O.K., and my immediate thought was "lie. Tell him you're fine. Tell him you're just tired." But for some reason I didn't. Instead I replied with "I'm alive. That's what matters." He said "being alive isn't all that matters, what about happiness? Happiness is part of life." Me: "Happiness is only a passing privilege." (I'm going to refer to my guy friend as J.) J.: "Look, I can tell that you're really depressed, and-" (I and one of my girl friends had been talking about a guy that I have really strong feelings for but said guy doesn't care about me.) "-if this is about some guy, then if he doesn't and won't care about you no matter what, then he's not right for you and isn't worth it." (Leave it to him to think that I'm friggin' depressed over a guy.) Me: "This isn't just my guy problems. I am actually a little deeper than that." J.: "Just be happy, O.K.? What's the point of living if you can't be happy?" THAT caught my attention. I'm sure he didn't mean to phrase it quite like that, but it made me think. What IS the point of living if I have no hope of happiness? Not that I think that I could ever take my own life, but it sure is an interesting idea... hmmm...